How To Trust Again: Part 3

"For it is God who works in you to will and to work according to His good purpose."

-- Philippians 2:13

How can you again trust someone who has broken trust? How can the relationship ever be restored? Depending on the level of trust broken, the job of restoring trust can be a monumental task. However, if both parties are willing, trust can be restored!

Remember, to trust someone is to depend upon their character or ability. Most often, when trust is broken it is due to a failure of character so we will focus on this aspect of trust for the bulk of our discussion.

The restoration of trust takes TIME! In our "microwave" culture we want instant gratification or results but when it comes to rebuilding trust this is a complete impossibility. Rebuilding trust should be seen as the construction of a skyscraper not a treehouse. The greater the disappointment the greater the number of stories on our skyscraper. This will not be a quick and easy process because it requires a consistent demonstration of a changed heart.

The Bible teaches us to keep no record of wrongs and we should always be quick to forgive when we are wronged. However, to quickly rely on a person who has broken trust would be foolish! For instance, if your husband repents after having cheated on you for 18 months with another woman, you might quickly forgive (with God's help) the wrong done but to go home and pretend the events of the last 18 months didn't happen would be absurd and foolish. You can not skip the work of rebuilding trust and have a secure, happy marriage after such betrayal.

So how do we rebuild trust in a broken relationship? The first step is forgiveness and wiping the slate clean. We have to make up our mind that we are going to forgive the person for what they have done to hurt us. We have to determine in our heart to let go of the offense and do what scripture teaches, "keep no record of wrong." Often, we have difficulty doing this because we are human and our emotions will not let go of the hurt. When we face such times we must remember God is the only one who can truly change any of us! It is the Holy Spirit who works to change our will and actions so we can be like Christ. Go to God and admit you are incapable of forgiving. You won't be the first to have done so! God understands your struggle and will empower you to do what you cannot do by yourself. Sometimes we must pray, "God I cannot forgive but I want to forgive. God, please change my heart and make it possible for genuine forgiveness to take place." Then, believe and have faith God will do what you prayed for Him to do!

Without forgiveness a root of bitterness will undermine any future possibility for trust in your relationship. Remember, "Nothing is impossible with God!"

More to come!

James