How To Trust Again Part 4

"Jospeh...made himself known to his brothers...and he wept."

-- Genesis 45:2-3

In order for trust to be rebuilt we must forgive the one who broke our trust and then offer them opportunity to prove their repentance. Repentance means to "turn over a new leaf" or "turn and walk a new direction." Repentance is all about change, and change must happen if someone is to ever be relied upon after breaking trust! We want to see that their character is new and reliable.

One of the greatest examples of restored trust in all of the Bible is found in the story of Joseph. His brothers had broken trust him by selling him into slavery! Joseph had been terribly betrayed but God used his circumstances to save Egypt and his family from a deadly famine. Despite the way God worked out the circumstances surrounding his enslavement, the restoration of relationship and the rebuilding of trust between he and his brothers took time and effort. Joseph forgave his brothers but he needed to see that they had developed new character which made them trustworthy for a healthy relationship.

Joseph set up a series of tests for his brothers (Genesis 42-45) so he could see their character or lack thereof under stressful circumstances. He wanted to see if the men would buckle under pressure or prove to be men of good character. Many times true character is demonstrated when the temperature of our life is turned up! Joseph wanted to know whether his brothers had developed character which could be relied upon for a trustworthy relationship.

I would not recommend that we "test" those who have broken trust but we should certainly take time to watch and learn whether those who have hurt us have developed a new, trustworthy character. The Holy Spirit can and does change us! Those who believe an old dog can't learn new tricks have never had the Holy Spirit as their trainer! But, before we rely on the character of someone who has hurt us deeply, we should know, based upon the evidence of their life, that they have truly turned from their old ways to a new life in Christ!

A cheating spouse may be repentant, seek forgiveness and truly be changed from the person they were when they committed adultery but to take them home and implicitly trust without first seeing a demonstration of their professed repentance would be foolish. If they are truly the new person they claim to be they should be thrilled with the opportunity to prove their new way of life and patient with your need to see its demonstration. Healthy relationships are built upon trust, and if we are to be honest with ourselves, trust is built upon evidence gathered over TIME! Do not short change yourself or the person seeking your trust by denying them the opportunity to prove he or she is a changed person.

Forgiveness is immediate but trust is built over the test of time!

More later,

James